So last night, as West Brom inched their way to Promotion, we climaxed the MPOY WBA residency with a celebratory gig at B’ham Library Theatre.  I was so proud to showcase the talents of two young Midlands poets – 16yr old Dan Cullen and 19 yr old Matt Windle, who I mentored – and they were both outstanding

Jo Bell, my mentor  (who promised future bliss for the ‘morning after the night before gig’ hangover with 4 bars of top notch chocolate, thanx!) was our sterling MC/referee, and what can I tell you about Byron that you won’t already know? That he was ridiculously brilliant – you’ll know that already – the ‘Jarvis Cocker’ of poetry as he has been dubbed – but we know he’s even more than that – and 2010 will be his biggest and best year yet surely – with his first book coming out too. So I was extra chuffed that some of my mates who are ‘poetry virgins’ were saying afterwards how they’ll pay big £ to see him next time:) But they’ll bring Tena lady too….. as he is that funny….

So my huge thanks to everyone who came along, to all at Apples & Snakes for the whole MPOY experience, down to them handing out the half time oranges – now when do you get that at a poetry gig normally?  And here’s to WBA doing us proud by getting promoted next…..  to which ends, here’s the Hawthorns Lords Prayer that the audience joined in with at the gig. Although I may be more of a buddhist, we’ll call on the Bee Gee lookalike and anyone else to help us keep our Promotion space this season…..

The Baggies Lords Prayer.

By Charlie Jordan.

Our Father, who art at the Hawthorns,

hallowed be our game.

Thy Kingdom come,

promotion won,

on turf as it was at St Andrews.

Give us matchdays to celebrate,

as we forgive refs who red-card against us.

And lead us not into the Play-offs,

but deliver us from third place;

for Bobby’s the King here,

Matteo for glory,

Premiership forever.

Amen.

(Boing Boing)

OOOps I forgot to post this the other week, so here it is now!

A few weeks ago I shadowed a group of v. excited kids who were being mascots for the day at WBA. Under the guidance of Jan, the ‘Mascot manager’, who has to manage the families too….for the whole of a hyperventilating matchday:)

So, touring round the empty stadium, the dressing rooms etc and even getting our feet on the hallowed turf to have a kickabout – it was the perfect day. After lunch and a sugarhigh of cakes, they got to meet the players, get pictures and enjoy the buzz of around 30, 000 fans in the crowd and the matchday atmosphere…. it was a brilliant day all round…only ruined by the fact that WBA lost:(

So, figuring out that the children could have played better themselves….I wrote this – and as the families were all chuffed to think they’d be in a poem – I wrote it for them to enjoy as well – so it’s a very family friendly piece….

BRING ON THE MASCOTS.

The sixty-third minute and Crystal Palace score:(

We won 5-0 last week, but now my heart sinks to the floor.

He’s ‘cute and wears nice jumpers’, but Di Matteo must go –

move him to the subs bench, put Jan in charge of the show.

She could take a corner, score goals with high heels on

and kick the Baggies up the rear as graceful as a swan…

Substitute four players and send the mascots out instead.

They’re bursting with excitement and just need the go ahead.

They’ve lunched on cheese and pineapple, changed into pristine kit….

they dream of playing for West Brom, and now ‘This is it!’

Max is 9, his size 2 feet have scored 2 goals this morning.

His Dad’s a Ref., so any lip and you’ll be on a warning:)

Jamie’s blonde and tall like Crouch, he’s a demon on the wing.

Just eleven, he’ll create play with targetted heading.

In goal – five year old Matthew – cheered on by Grandad Brian.

We’ll mount an epic rescue, just like ‘Saving Private Ryan.’

Not forgetting Morgan – though he’s a Crystal Palace Fan.

In defence he’ll nutmeg tackle like a practised artisan.

We might sneak in a victory or salvage at least a draw.

If we lose today, we won’t be top of the league anymore.

With mascots playing weekly we’d cut the wage bill in half:

a giant box of Haribo and the players’ autographs.

Full time: we’ve lost – the whistle stirs me from my daydream scene.

Next time I hope we call on Jan and the mascots to intervene!

As this is a project all about sound – what’s the sound of ‘Your Place’? It’s probably not silent if you live in a big city as I’ve only ever done. If  you cocoon yourself with an ipod and your own playlist 24/7 then you miss out on whatever your local sound menu is.

I read an article about Listening, and how most of us don’t get around to it much and how one sound engineer in Salford is asking you for sounds of a particular area to build up a soundscape map of the UK – which is such a brilliant idea isn’t it? So join in, if you want to record the sounds of your area – or just let it sink into your ears a bit more next time you leave the house – saturate yourself in the sounds. Whenever I go to the countryside it freaks me out how silent everywhere is, and I can never sleep as I’m used to London or B’ham inner city noise as my urban retreat.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/features/article6891004.ece

now shhhhhh….. listen:)

So I had my first proper holiday in over 12 years and saw some eye watering sights in Bangkok,  the beach to die for in Melbourne (St Kilda – like Brighton but x100…with whicker chairs that dangle outside beachside bars and veggie cafes with double bed futons to lie on with views of the sea and cute kitesurfers…..heaven!) and Singapore – where I met up with a brilliant writer from the Litup festival – Chris Mooney Singh.

I scoffed a bowl of  ‘Green thunder tea’  (with a  list of supposed health benefits from healthy heart/better eyesight/potential aphrodisiac if I remember correctly…) with basil omelettes and spicy tofu in the foodcourt near the Singapore Writers’ Centre that he runs – highly recommend both if you’re heading that way:) f I could actually get any photos to load on here – I’d bore you with them – but I still can’t make them work, so luckily you’re spared!

After the excitement of Litup on thursday at the Albany, or ‘Apples and Snakes Place’ as it is really…. and seeing Baba Israel, Lemn Sissay, Aiofe Mannix, Stacy Makishi, Zena Edwards and Polarbear amongst others all in a few hours – my brain is a bit squashed with words, talent and ideas. It’ll all file away in a few days but is confettied at the moment!

Yesterday I shadowed the Mascots at WBA, the four little boys who were full of excitement at meeting their heroes and getting to walk out onto the pitch hand in hand with the players before kick off. One pinched the player’s belly to see if he was real – luckily he giggled and didn’t throw a footballer’s strop – they’re not like that at WBA:) Once the kids were having a kickabout on the pitch in front of over 30, 000 fans they forgot all about being nervous and were just enjoying the best bit of footy of their short years, and oblivious to the famous players trying to walk past their goal attempts.

Not just vertigo ‘cos I’m 6 foot – but because WBA are top of the league! (Well, someone told me we are, and I almost don’t want to jinx it by looking just yet….as I’ve not checked the tables this weekend….)

I’ve been at WBA this week for the launch of the Albion Foundation which does most of the community based stuff I’ve been shadowing so far on this project – great bunch of people, so a good day. I was covering a radio show on BBC WM the same day, so I managed to get them on the show as well:)

Even got to see the new boss Bobby Di Matteo in action, although it seems informal to call him Bobby when I’ve not yet spoken to him…..so should I say Roberto? He looked elegantly Euro casual in a cashmere looking jumper amidst a sea of suits, so I’ll have to get him into one of the poems soon. The day wasn’t about the players or boss though, it was celebrating the stories and journeys of the team that run events in schools/community etc and who are genuinely some of the best people you could want to work with. Some are still teenagers themselves and many were not that enamoured with school themselves till one of the WBA crew appeared, then with encouragement to buckle down and aim for coaching qualifications…… a path to a future begins. In turn these young men and women inspire the next generation with energy and enthusiasm.

You can read statistics on how Sandwell is one of the most deprived boroughs in the UK, but thousands of people benefit each week thanks to the Albion Foundation team, who make Sandwell a lucky place to be with their commitment. Anyway, you catch my drift – and they’re a good laugh – shockingly, some of them aren’t WBA fans and may be wearing Villa pants under their baggies uniform!

I’m shadowing the Mascots at the game on 26th Sep, so will be penning something of the ‘Hariboed’ excitment of the young fans who get to go on the pitch with the players at the start of the game:) Meantime, am still, yes honestly, still….. trying to write a Goalkeepers sonnet for my mentor Jo, who’s phoning in a few minutes for a catchup…… one day soon there’ll be a sonnet, but it still feels like trying on a pair of jeans several sizes too small that I can’t breathe in and need to use a coathanger to yank the zip up properly. One day though…..  Jo’s very patient in the meantime I must say, bless her glorious mentorial halo:)

Blimey….. we did it!

Need to say a few thank you’s ‘Oscar style’…. it was an amazing experience, with credit to many people. To quote a line of Rukus from the show – ‘my crew, my dogs….’ or I should say ‘Raucous’ as that’s how our Director Thierry kept pronouncing his name, and it sounded good, so it stuck!

Having spent 3 nights and 2 days together (in an Agatha Christie-style, slightly spooky old house…), we really did bond as a team – and had a good laugh. Sorry to let you down, but no Elton style ‘tantrums and tiaras’, no big egos, just down to earth good people. No tears, just lots of tea and toast for breakfast and enjoying the whole experience.

I’m still in awe of the writing and performing talents of Emma, Byron and ‘Raucous’ and still feel v.lucky to have been able to work alongside them.  Our director was gentle, and we jigsawed chunks of our pieces together organically over the 2 days rehearsing. We found ways to intersect homelessness, postcode wars, consumer decadence and football as if they’d all been conceived in the same petri dish in a lab somewhere.

Sarah from Apples & Snakes and our producer Naomi helped guide us through it all, and remained calm, grounded and supportive as a Wonderbra. They sorted everything out invisibly and didn’t shout when people did really stupid things like leave their cagoul on the train…… thanks for the loan of your poncho Sarah, boy did I need it:)

By the Thursday night we were joined by some of the mentors, and Gerry from A & S who saw the last run through before the campsite…and encouraged it more. Then once in wellies at the Chill, our ‘crew’ expanded with podcast’s beaming Dom, (beard suits you) and many other familiar faces which really helped …. Thanks to Tony Walsh, not just for his poetic genius, and for going ‘commando’ in bare feet in the mud, but also for blagging me a serviette for the loo, as a festival virgin I’d forgotten the obligatory looroll….. Naomi soon gifted me my very own looroll, thanks again and now I feel weird not carrying one with me each time I need a wee….

My own fabulous mentor Jo Bell was there in her ‘Ringmistress’ outfit to introduce us on stage and help reassure me, bless her for her constant enthusiasm and encouragement, and I promise not to go on again about how freakishly tall I am (oops, sorry.) She’s a phenomenally talented writer and performer in her own right but is also ‘Poetic Baby Bio’, as someone described her to me…. and I owe her my ability to get up there and pretend I knew what I was doing due to her kind words and belief in a lanky Brummy.

And on the day itself, my mate Dreadlock Alien helped us get the crowd in the tent and not in the sunshine outside, (or the Ben and Jerry’s stand where I felt at home) ….. and thanks to all the A & S familiar faces smiling back at us as we nervously got ready…to Thierry for giving us a ‘half hour call’, whole new experience for us non-theatrical types, but made it feel professional.

I practised my ‘8 yr old boy’s walk’ for the show while listening to Tricky on my ipod and walking around in my WBA footy shirt, totally confusing fairy winged festival goers… and I must have looked dodgy, as when I paid for ice cream with a tenner, they inspected my note for ages as if it was a forgery….

Finally we were off, and once Byron started, I knew we’d be alright…. he was his usual brilliant shrewdly observed comic genius… and when Raucous, (as he’s now known) started his pre arranged heckling from the audience.. and the crowd totally believed it, and started to join in…… it was the best feeling ever. I lost some of my nerves in the sheer appreciation of how they’d pulled it off so well…. then by the time Emma had finished her powerfully moving words, and I realised it was nearly my cue to join in….. well then it all spun by in a bit of a blur and before you knew it, we’d finished it, phew……. When people were applauding us, I just wanted to clap Emma, Byron and Rukus as I’d loved their stuff so much – so I turned and clapped them on stage. It would have been too weird to look at an audience clapping for what seemed like ages.

I had a bloke come up to me as we left the stage who said he’d never been to a ‘poetry’ thing before and how much he’d loved it and ‘never knew poetry was like that’ – result! Then he started talking football and about my piece, which made me blush

As the least experienced of the four of us, I still feel so lucky to have been involved in the whole process and I’ve learnt so much and it was sooo worth the festival toilets! Massive thanks to everyone who helped us from the beginning on this project – and I’ve still got a few months of my residency left, so I’ll still be working on it, and blogging here, so don’t go away….  If you get a chance to see the other shows of Byron, Emma or Rukus – you must do, as they are all compelling writers and performers. And if I carry on much longer, I’ll do a Halle/Gwyneth and blub… so I’ll stop now – but THANK YOU:)

x

I know it’s been a little while since I posted – still no joy when trying to upload photos – it’s jinxed – must be a Wolves supporting blog! Anyway, I’ve been trying to focus on finishing off two pieces for the Big Chill show, so here’s one of them…. it’s in the voice of an overexcited little boy. Inspired by many who I met at various WBA kids sessions….. so here goes…..

Technical issues mean that every time I try and leave a comment on Jo’s last post, the blog does the equivalent of the bouncer saying ‘your name’s not on the list, you’re not coming in’… to me and stops me from even reading her blog – very odd…. so instead here’s what I keep trying to add:)

I wrote a long piece, in which I tried to link the history of WBA with my family history and the Hawthorn family tree…. which was soooo overlong and more bloated than an A Lister checking in to the Priory in need of a detox. I kept trying to edit it, but just couldn’t seem to work out which bits should stay and which should be kicked to the kerb and deleted. Have you ever had that with a piece you’re working on? You kind of end up hating it, and despising it’s lingering presence that just seem stuck, without being able to ‘move it forwards’ to sound like David Brent…..