Go to bed eyes: re-draughts and diary blog.

Thursday, May 21st, 2009

Konnichiwa reader. Sorry that I missed my blog yesterday. I’m sat in my pyjamas feeling sorry for myself. I’ve got some kind of infection that has made my eyes swell up to the point that I can barely see out of them. I look like a pathogenic Muppet. My face is like some mucus based facsimile of Angel Falls. I don’t mean to get histrionic, especially in the current climate, but the symptoms speak for themselves. I’ve obviously contracted a severe case of man flu. Let the whineathon commence!

I was supposed to write about re-draughting my work yesterday so I guess I should start with that.

All of my report cards at school said that I needed to learn how to ask for help when I got stuck. This stubborn and destructive element of my character hasn’t really changed all that much. I usually write and re-draught my work in total isolation. I hardly ever show my writing to anyone before I feel it’s finished, and when I do it always makes me feel very uncomfortable. Hopefully that’s all changed now. This process has forced me to listen to external opinion and therefore hopefully helped me to develop as a writer.

I really did pay attention to everyone’s feedback regarding Boiling the frog. You can still check out the original draught here.

boiling the frog from byron vincent on Vimeo.

Thanks bundles for your comments, they genuinely made me re-evaluate the piece. After reading your observations I realized I needed to point out that I sympathised and identified with Spartacus. I needed the listener to know that the poem wasn’t just some pious indictment, but more of an examination of how easy it is to get tangled up in life’s trivialities. Especially if we don’t take a step back and look at the bigger picture now and again.

I hope I’ve achieved this by adding some new verses and performing the last third of the piece in the first person. These are the additional bits, they kick in after the line:

…They all end with a why

An audio file of the new version here can be heard here:

Boiling the frog Mk 2 from byron vincent on Vimeo.

And this is the new text:

But sentience gives birth to dreams

And cynicism aches

When the naked yawning

Dawning of reality awakes

A sliver of a slice

Of untainted reflection

No emotive diagnostics

No cerebral vivisection

Just…

I’m Spartacus:

I can sift the drama

I can view the infinite

In gifted panorama

I can listen, I can hear

The common serenade

And its undulating waves

Of unfathomable shade.

I’m Spartacus:

I see love in its enormity

The only precious constant

The only valid uniformity

The antidote to everything

It’s beautiful infective

Embarrassing the petty

Into laughable perspective

I’m Spartacus:

Not some fragile combination

Of products failing, in disgust

of spurious foundation

I’m Spartacus:

I can hope and feel and seethe

I can laugh and shit and dream

And breathe and breathe and breathe…

Other stuff that’s been going on is I tested out some of the My Place work at a couple of open mic’s and thankfully the response was positive.

Tim Clare http://www.myspace.com/timclarepoet came and did the Acoustic Night’s open mic with me in Bristol. He performed some stuff from his forthcoming show. I won’t harp on about it too much as I’ll only come across like a simpering sycophant, but needless to say it was truly excellent stuff.

Other highlights from the evening came from the dexterous digits of poetic and astutely perceptive neo folkster Jamie Harrison http://www.myspace.com/jamieharrisonsingssongs and brilliant newbie poet Mon. I don’t think Mon has any stuff on the interwebs yet but I’ll link to it as soon as he does as he’s definitely one to look out for.

So that’s pretty much it. Festival season starts tomorrow for me, I’m off to do a late night slot for Independence Day. A small but superbly programmed little gathering somewhere in the heart of rural Devon.

Right then, just the small matter of rehearsing new material, working on new poems, replying to ten thousand messages and filling in a mammoth commission bid, and then I can go back to bed and watch The Wire, ACE!

I told you I’d moan. Have a great weekend.

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