Introducing a new superhero – Cagoul Kid

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

I know it’s been a little while since I posted – still no joy when trying to upload photos – it’s jinxed – must be a Wolves supporting blog! Anyway, I’ve been trying to focus on finishing off two pieces for the Big Chill show, so here’s one of them…. it’s in the voice of an overexcited little boy. Inspired by many who I met at various WBA kids sessions….. so here goes…..

Introducing a new superhero – Cagoul Kid!

Coincidence:

I’m 8 and a Half and it’s Half term.

So no school this week, but I’m going to learn

more football instead.

Like how to score a goal with my head,

not my feet.

If you think that’s neat,

you should see Nihal in his Darth Vader top,

he once did 200 keepy uppys non stop.

Anyway, that’s what he says,

so we call him Tevez.

Then there’s Drogba, his real name’s George.

He’s good at Goalkeeping and does everything,

but Dave’s the boss and we call him the King

of West Brom. I think he’s ace.

I help carry his boots in a special case,

and I follow him around everywhere he goes.

He jokes that if he sneezes, I blow my nose!

When I grow up I want to be just like him….

He works at the Baggies and wears a shellsuit.

When he sees me in the morning, he gives me a High

Five and slaps my palm.

When he’s in charge I know the wild boys will calm down.

He says he’ll Ebay their phones if they don’t put them down.

I’m not old enough to play tournaments, even though I’m pretty good.

So instead I run around with his cagoul on and pull the hood

right up over my face. It’s like I’m in disguise,

or like a monster – you can’t see my eyes.

My teacher says I’ve got eyelashes like a camels.

They spit just like footballers do.

My Mom says the players are ‘animals’ too.

My Mom says if you run out of spit then you die,

but I don’t believe her.

But Dave doesn’t gob, so I don’t either.

The West Brom Cagoul’s much bigger than me.

It’s got blue and white stripes like a magic shield

I pretend it’s got a special ‘Anti – Wolves’ forcefieldJ

‘Cos ‘Wolves are shit, wolves are shit’… (tiny whisper of a chant, knowing it’s a naughty word!.)

Dave’s cagoul is waterproof as well and it keeps out the rain,

so I jump up and down on top of the drain when I want to get wet.

If I run on the turf, I know Dave will shout,

so I don’t. But I want to.

The older boys are on the pitch,

I want to be Ishmael Miller, but they just call me ‘titch.’

One day I’ll have two numbers in my age, just like them.

I wish I could hurry up, I really really really want to be 10.

Or 11 like the players you get in a team.

But that’s loads of years away, it seems

like longer than forever.

When I’m 12 I’ll be proper clever,

I’ll spell all the players’ names, even Filipe Teixeira.

It’s got an X in it.

When I’m 14, oh, wait a minute, 12, 13….

When I’m 13,

I’ll wear West Brom deodorant like my cousin Shaheen.

You spray it out of a can under your arm.

Do you know there’s something called an armadillo….

can’t remember what it is though.

But it looked funny on Youtube, I think.

When I’m really old, like 14 –

I’m gonna be in the West Brom Youth team,

One boy’s got a beard, right, and he’s still at school.

Wish I had one, that would be really cool.

My dad shaves every day,

I watch him and the way

the razor makes a scratchy sound on his chin.

I don’t know why, but it makes him grin

when he sees me in the Baggies mirror looking at him.

One day he says he’ll teach me how to shave.

Sometimes he cuts himself and has to be brave

and stick a plaster on before he goes to work.

He says it stings like when you get jerk

chicken in your eye…..

but boys don’t cry.

unless we lose.

Last season we played Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea and Man U,

but we’re out the Premiership now, and in what Grandad calls Division 2.

It’s the Championship really, but I wish it was the Champions’ League.

Then we’d play in Europe, and West Brom isn’t in Europe.

I don’t think.

When the bell goes at 4

and the bigger boys fight for the door,

I hide in a locker with Adil.

There’s not much room in there, so I kneel

down on my WWF lunchbox.

I used to have wrestling sox

too, but my sister flushed one down the loo.

I like my football sox best.

I even got a West Brom vest

for my Birthday. When you go to the Baggies Shop,

There’s massive tv screens that show the best goals non stop.

It’s ace there, I want everything they sell.

I want a West Brom duvet, a lampshade and pyjamas as well.

We got my sister a West Brom Babygrow,

but it’s pink….’cos she’s a girl.

Boys don’t wear pink, except for Ronaldo – but he’s Portugese.

Now I just want my sandwiches full of Mum’s fried paneer.

Adil likes to pretend his lemonade is a can of beer – stupid!

Today I’ve got a king size box of Ribena,

Channelle put it in the fridge, have you seen her?

She can nutmeg tackle better than Wayne Rooney,

he looks like Shrek.

Wish we had him here though, and David Beckham.

Victoria would love it here, there’s hundreds of shops at Merry Hill,

If he moved here, it would be absolutely brilliant.

Bet we’d get promoted then and bounce back up to the top,

I’d be shouting ‘Boing Boing Baggies’ all season non stop.

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