fractured works in progress.

Monday, February 16th, 2009

I’ve decided to post the little bits I’ve been writing as i’ve been in residence. Some of these were in a notebook, some text messages that i saved in my draft and some i recorded on my device very late at night when i was on the verge of falling alseep and i would suddenly have a line in my head. They may seem to make no sense at all but I’m hoping to rescue elements and turn them into something new.

They say there was an old woman who lived in a shoe

she’d so many children she did not know what to do

so she kicked them all out

and bought each a tattoo

of a boot with no laces ………..

I’ve been to many empty rooms,

streets, towns, citie, countries

even other continents

and i’ve slept in many houses

noticed different patterns and fabric on curtains

sofas, carptets, floors made of wood or tile.

I’ve been a stanger in a number of beds and woken

to discover how light draws angles differently

like the room shed its nighttime clothes

and woke up all creased face and groggy.

I’ve come to discover how my pillow has its own smell

and I only realise when sleeping without it.

I am alone

desolate land

language lost

and bone lonely.

side cast glances at my fury

and the wind puts in my throat

a whisper.

The tide moves in me like a mystery;

sometimes it to-s me, sometimes it fro-s me,

i find myself here and there

in the spaces between waves and heartbeats.

The tide rolls in like a secret whispered.

I’m like the sea; i get moved from A to B,

but there ’s no tide in my sea

tied is word that don’t belong to me,

I’m here to flutter-by free to there or where

wake up whenever wherever

sometimes never and days go on forever

when i’ve not spoken to anyone

Thursday is Tuesday Monday is Friday

and sunday is anyones guess.

someone gave me a room once

I don’t remeber who or where

but i used to dream it was pianted blue

someone gave me a guitar

someone took me shopping for the first time

but it was all bands and brands and I’d not heard of dischord or discount.

Today Monday was Wednesday and the pub shut early

that’s how i knew so i ghost float

someone said homes not a place

it’s a part of who you are

someone else said it as to do with the laying down of a hat

I heard that in someone’s father’s house there were many mansions.

It’s stange to see work that’s so raw like this, as this is the stage I would normally never show anybody and i can’t help but feel embarrssed as it all seems so simplistic

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ABOUT THIS AUTHOR

Emma McGordon

Born in West Cumbria, has connections with the Liverpool and Newcastle areas, trained journalist and once worked as a postwoman for one week.

11 Comments

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annamaria
February 16th, 2009

don’t feel embarrased..it’s a raw subject, number !, and two , you can perform poetry liposuction which i have to do all the time. Maybe try on of those fabulous word clouds from your lines?? your favorite lines.
i love the idea of the nursery ryhmes (Can never spell that word)..most nursery ryhmes have a dark origin..as do fairytales..people being chucked out of home to make room for new familes or wives or husbands, snow white, jack and bean stalk, hansel and gretal, so there maybe some interesting milage there…nursery ryhmes of home…i especially love the line
“There’s no tide in my sea”..great first line….i’m going to have a proper look at your words after more coffee.
annax

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Geraldine Collinge
February 17th, 2009

Reading this reminds me of work done with female prisoners? The sense of the passing seasons (as Anna Maria picks up), the tides and time moving by. Has anyone done work with prisoners and homeless people, or been both? What do you think?

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Charlie
February 17th, 2009

Emma, I know it’s brave to put something down in an early form, but it’s great, so relax:) Some really memorable lines and ideas in there, and it’ll be fascinating to see how they progress. I love the description of editing as ‘poetry liposuction’ by Anna Maria….how true for us all! I’ve picked out some of my favourite lines too, ‘the tattoo of a boot with no laces, which I think echoes with the lines about ‘tide/tied’ which are so resonant, the whole ‘pillow smell’ noticed when not there too, and ‘waking up whenever…going on forever’ etc., and the confusion of the days is a powerful image for that lack of day to day structure. Also the line about ‘light drawing angles differently’….I’ll be noticing that more in my bedroom this week now thanks to you. It’s the best feeling when lines from a poem affect how you see something in your world – so thank you for that already:) I look forward to reading more…..x

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Byron Vincent
February 17th, 2009

It is scary posting works in progress. If you’re anything like me you’ll be used to creating works in complete isolation. Only giving them a public airing after much anxious deliberation.

I too love the line “There’s no tide in my sea” and I think “bone lonely” is an awesomely descriptive phrase. I also love “like the room shed its nighttime clothes”, Aceness.

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Bernardine Evaristo
February 22nd, 2009

Posting a work-in-progress at any stage is a very unusual thing to do. I guess as an experiment it might be useful to see how it affects the development of the poem. I barely talk about my work-in-progress until it (a book) is completed. There are ways, however, to talk about your burgeoning writing without displaying the whole poem. You could show tiny extracts, talk around the idea, talk about how you feel about writing, this particular work, the challenges and rewards – without actually posting the complete first or early draft.

I find that premature exposure can be misleading – look, you’ve already got good responses to the poem yet you know it’s not finished. How will this affect how you work on the poem? Sometimes talking about early work also gives one the feeling that the writing is done, it is accomplished and it can take energy away from the writing.

And isn’t writing about that very personal struggle to give birth to something through all kinds of internal pressures, conflicts and doubts?
In this case, there’s also a whiff of poetry by committee. Will you keep in the lines people like because they like them? Will you now know what you feel about those lines as divorced from what your commenters have said? On the other hand, is it much different to a poetry workshop?

Having said all this, as an experiment, you will find out how this will work for you.

(P.S. Gerry asked me to offer some feedback.)

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Geraldine Collinge
March 3rd, 2009

Bernardine

Thanks for this really interesting and important post. The thought of poetry by committee has sent a terrible shiver down my spine which I don’t like and really hope this doesn’t become.

For me I hope that the process of sharing one’s creative process in a collaborative manner will open up poetry in different ways. How the poets respond to feedback is up to them and I’m sure there are comments that they find interesting and ones they don’t, as you say much like a poetry workshop. What I want this unpicking of the process of writing to lead to is a space where we talk about work. what we like and what we don’t, what we’ve read or seen recently and what is inspiring us as writers and producers of new work. I’d love it if in time if other people wanted to share their work in progress and that it became a place where you could try something and know that you’d get interesting feedback.

How are you poets finding it so far?

Geraldine

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Naomi Wilds
March 6th, 2009

For me as a reader of poetry, enjoyer of live performance and someone who finds the critical feedback process itself fascinating, I’m enjoying the chance to read people’s responses to poems. It reveals so much about how language works which can potentially strengthen my own capacity to offer critical feedback in the future – although I appreciate it is an usual and brave step to actually post early work in progress into an online environment and may have unexpected or unusual results for the poets involved.

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Chikodi Nwaiwu
March 6th, 2009

Bernardine makes some interesting points that all writers who share their work ought to think about. Why do writers seek feedback? I know why I seek it. Sometimes I can spend so long staring at the same line, paragraph or page, stirring my pen around the same incomplete idea that my mind stagnates. Sometimes other people’s comments (whether I agree with them or not) give fresh impetus to a piece. I do think feedback can vary in quality and usefulness. “I really like that bit” is always nice to hear but as a writer there isn’t much you can do with that in terms of developing your piece further. (I’d like to think that writers post their work online or read aloud in workshops for more than just a pat on the head!) “I really like that bit because…” is much better and promotes “healthy” discussion or debate. Just as it is up to you how much you share in the early stages of your work, it is up to you how much you take on board. The best feedback focuses less on “good”/”bad”, “positive”/”negative” and more on giving you new threads to follow/diverge/rebel against (!).

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Katherine Stanton
March 7th, 2009

Good point, Chikodi, and very helpful to me to bear in mind as I give feedback. I feel mentored as much as mentor in this whole process, which like Naomi I find fascinating …

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Andy Darby
March 24th, 2009

Ahem, Committee Member Darby here.
I’ve been away from the site for too long – sorry. Just wanted to note something, probably far too late in the game.

To me ‘Bone lonely’ is a beautiful enigmatic image that stands out over most other images. It has the potential to be returned to and developed in a number of immediately interesting ways, possibly providing a riff or (’scuse the pun) backbone to a piece. I guess I think you should just spend some time playing with that one and see what comes out – I think it may be interesting and worthwhile.

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Bernardine Evaristo
March 30th, 2009

Lots of interesting comments here. Just to reply to Gerry’s comment. I guess ‘poetry by committee’ IS a bit harsh and this kind of posting is most akin to a workshop situation where poets get feedback on their work – it’s just that it’s online. I guess for individual poems to occasionally go through this process might be a good thing, especially if the poet is usually working in isolation and doesn’t get feedback from others. It’s good to get a confidence boost and some constructive comments on craft and how the reader receives the poems. One way to approach this is to ask the reader (when the writer feels s/he has delivered a good draft rather than an early one) – what works, and what doesn’t? This is a brave step but you should receive balanced feedback.

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